


Hear the Bells Ring

by silverneko9lives0



Series: Clay [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 10:11:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3245774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverneko9lives0/pseuds/silverneko9lives0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are cordially invited to the wedding of Misters Bofur Braodbeam and Nori Rison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hear the Bells Ring

**Author's Note:**

> This short, quick, and kinda cracky

“Stop doing that,” I snapped, glaring at Bofur as he peered outside the window. “You’re making _me_ nervous and it’s not my wedding. Bifur, do something.”

“Sorry. Can’t. I was just as bad at my wedding.”

 _Useless clout_ , I thought, glaring at him. Bofur looked at us, bouncing on the balls of his feet and looking more than slightly worried.

“You don’t think Nori would—”

“Oh, no,” Bifur muttered.

“I will slap you,” I warned. “Maybe then, you’ll see sense and stop worrying so much. Nori _proposed_ , you idiot. He isn’t backing out on the wedding day!”

“But—”

“If he did, he’d have to deal with me before anyone else in your family.”

“And he’s not likely to run off anyway,” Bifur said. “Except from Dori.”

I strongly agree with Bifur there. Dori would _definitely_ be the reason why Nori ran off. He’s probably mother-henning Nori to death anyway.

I stand. “Keep him calm, if you can, Bif.”

“Sure.”

“I’m going to go check on the other groom.” Bofur nods. Poor guy. If only he knew Nori was acting just as badly as he was. And still is.

“My hair is fine!”

“Stay still,” Dori snapped, forcing Nori back onto the chair and combing his hair back. I arched a brow.

“Still musing it up?”

“Perhaps you’d like to try,” Dori offered, glaring at me. Ori was gone. He was here last time.

“No thanks,” I said. “You got this. Where’s Ori?”

“Kid’s taking photography duty a little too enthusiastically, if you get my meaning,” Nori muttered. “He’s taken hundreds of photos and not everyone’s here yet.”

“Cut him some slack. He’s the brother of the groom.”

“Which groom?”

“I should just get you and Bofur t-shirts. You know the Thing 1 and Thing 2 t-shirts to wear under your clothes. It’d fit.”

“Fuck off, Baggins.” The door opened and Ori entered, looking a little pale.

“What?” Nori asked.

“Um…the…um…the justice that’s supposed to be here?”

“Oh God, don’t you dare say it,” Nori growled.

“Sorry? He’s run off. His wife—”

“Of course!”

“Ack! Stop fidgeting!”

“Nori, my boyfriend is a priest. I’m sure he’d fill in. Does Bofur know?” Ori nodded. Ah, fuck. “Look, Thorin won’t mind so long as neither of you do.”

“Sure,” Nori said. “This close, I would let a _raccoon_ officiate.”

I pat his shoulder. “You won’t have to go that far.” I leave the room and once I’ve cleared it with Bofur, I look for Thorin, who’s been attacked by Bombur’s kids. I send them off to their mother and help him up. “Bofur and Nori have a tiny request for you,” I said. “The, uh, justice who was supposed to officiate can’t make it.” Thorin looks thunderous. Likely he’s just angry on their behalf.

“Are there notes?”

“There should be.”

“Give them to me,” he said.

“Honey, you are a lifesaver!” I kiss him and go look for those notes, pausing only to relay the news to the grooms, who visibly relax. Dori’s at least found a way to keep Nori from tearing at his hair and Bofur’s stopped pacing his own room. This is good.

Thorin looks at home on the stage and he keeps reviewing the notes I found for him as well as humming _Motorhead_ when I joined him to let him know that we were almost starting.

“They went with traditional non-Christian vows.”

“And?”

“It’s boring,” he pouted. “I could recite this stuff in my sleep. This and the Christian ones.”

“Then you’re in luck,” I said, patting his shoulder. “And you don’t get to have an opinion on other people’s vows, love.”

“Let me complain in peace.”

“No,” I peck his cheek and took my spot at the bottom right step. The guests were still talking, but once the music started playing, the silenced as Bifur and Dori took their places on the step above mine. Thorin winked at me and Bofur and Nori walked down the aisle, hand in hand. I smiled.

After all this time, the only thing I can really say is:

_ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!_

Once on the step just below Thorin, they faced each other and the boring part began. Okay, it’s kind of fun watching Nori and Bofur stare at each other adoringly. Thorin and I tend to be a bit goofier at this point and start laughing at each other.

Still, they’re cute, Thorin’s a wonderful ridiculously short-notice replacement, and the audience doesn’t know a thing. At long last, I hand the rings over to them, they slip the bands on, and kiss.

The kiss is met with exuberant applause and I’m nearly blinded by Ori’s camera flashing violently. Hopefully no one can hear my stomach growling. I’m famished.

#

Ori put together a video.

It was sweet.

Up until the point it got to that one time the three of us back when we were still under twenty snuck into a bar and Bofur got roaring drunk enough to stand and dance on the table singing _The Man in the Moon_. Granted, Nori and I didn’t really help.

Thorin stared at me and the only thing I _could_ do was pretend I wasn’t here. It wasn’t as bad as the grooms though! Nori was slumped in his seat and Bofur was on his fourth glass of wine from this. Thank you, Bifur, for saving Bofur from a repeat of that night.

Then came for the toasts. Dori got weepy. Bifur just listed embarrassing thing after embarrassing thing.

“If your parents…”

“They would do this.”

“Which is why they are not,” Thorin said.

“How are your parents gonna take that?” I asked.

He wrinkled his nose. “Not well.”

“I thought so.”

We will have to resign ourselves to our mothers and Dis hijacking the wedding plans. At least Bofur and Nori didn’t have that problem.

After dinner was desert and watching two married couples smash cake in each other’s schnozzles is always fun. Nori and Bofur were no different and Bofur cracked up when he covered Nori in cake. Nori retaliated by flinging the cake.

Dori winced and Ori started counting:

“Three…two…one.”

Food started flying in the air. Fili and Kili dove in and Ori dove under the table. Dori got smooshed in the face with chocolate. Thorin and I decided to duck for cover as well.

Well, if Nori and Bofur want to destroy the cake rather than eat it, fine. Personally, I thought that was a ginormous waste. Cake is meant to be eaten. Not flung about like monkey dung.

Oh, who am I kidding?! It’s my best friends’ wedding. If they want an impromptu food fight instead of eating the food poor Bombur made for the occasion, that’s _their_ problem. Not mine.

“Are you sure they’re mature enough for marriage?” Thorin asked.

“Sometimes I do wonder, _however_ , they had been together for ten years. They might as well tie the knot,” I said. He nodded and we peaked from under the table cloth to see if the war had ended yet. I’d give it another couple minutes.

#

After the food fight, we felt bad enough to clean the place before anyone found us, playing dance music to entertain us while working. A few still danced, but we managed to work around them as Nori and Bofur went to clean up (hopefully that _is_ what they were doing) their suits and wipe cake off their faces.

I wiped my brow and looked around. Dori and I nodded at each other.

We’re done. Finally.

“Now where are the grooms?” Dori asked. “It doesn’t take this long to clean up.”

I snort and he glares at me. “Sorry,” I said. “It was right in front of me. I couldn’t stop myself.”

“I’m sure you could have, Bilbo.”

I shrug and Thorin pats my shoulder, still lecturing his nephews on why it is inappropriate to join a food fight started by the grooms, brides, or bride and groom of a wedding (depending on the situation. Thorin decided it’d be more prudent to cover as many bases as he could).

“I’ll go find them,” Ori offered, rushing at the chance to escape Dori.

“Well, think of it this way: the place looks good,” I reminded Dori, who huffed.

“I don’t know if we’ll be able to stay much longer. We lost the dancing because of that _stunt_ of theirs. Best just to send them off and be done with it all!”

“That bad?” I asked. “I’m sure we had some…unexpected setbacks today, but for the most part, they’re here. They’re married. They’re happy. I don’t see why we should feel embarrassed for them if they want to be childish today.”

Dori rolled his eyes goes over to Bifur, who pats his shoulder and they converse quietly. I glance at Thorin, who has yet again become a monkey gym for Bombur’s children. I’m not saving him a second time, but he looks a bit disgruntled. Like an angry cat fresh from a bath.

Ori returned, ringing his hands. He clears his throat.

“The grooms are, uh, gone.”

We stared at him. He pulled out a note and handed it to Dori, who turned red, then back to pale when he released a breath.

“It’s their wedding. If they want to ruin it, they certainly can. Leave us to clean up the mess, why don’t they?”

“I feel like I should apologize on their behalf or…laugh,” I said. “I kind of want to do both.”

Dori glared at me. “Go ahead and do both. I know you were mostly the third wheel…”

“Hey!”

“But you still goaded them half the time.”

“No I didn’t!” Dori glared at me. “Okay, maybe a little bit,” I emphasize it with my thumb and forefinger barely touching. “But just a little bit. And I wasn’t the third wheel. We did not do that. I was their leader. At least a third of the time.”

“Do I want to know?” Thorin asked.

“Please,” Dori said. “I got a whole _binder_ full of all the crap they did. Most of it was B and E and don’t get me started on the drunken misdemeanor! Miracle the three of you grew up at all!”

Thorin arched a brow at me. I shrugged. “It was college.”

“College was packed studying. I thought you were doing the same.”

“I was! Partially. I told you we took study breaks.”

“Right. I don’t think breaking and entering counts as a healthy study break. Bilbo.”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you’re not that crazy anymore.”

“You and me both,” I said. “We cleaned up. And I promise our wedding will not be as…eventful.”

“That’s one word for it, I suppose,” Dis mumbled. Víli and Frerin snorted, earning a glare from Dori. Bifur just harrumphed and glanced at us.

“Well, the place is clean. They’re gone and we won’t see them for at least a month if not more…who wants to go to the pub?”

“Is it kid friendly?” Dis asked.

“I’m sure they got decent pie.”

“Pie?” Frerin asked. “I’m in.”

“Same,” Thorin said. “Pie’s better than cake anyway.”

“The cake is a lie,” Kili declared. Okay…

I guess we’re kicking this off with drinks.

Bofur and Nori _better_ be happy. Something tells me that they’ll be getting raided by Dori’s unit as payback in the future.  

**Author's Note:**

> This series is ongoing. Feel free to leave prompts in the comments. I will get to them posthaste. 
> 
> Thanks for reading


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